Butterflies

I get moths, I live on the 7th floor, so I get moths... lots of them...

But today, as I came home, turned on my computer, threw the latest downloaded music in the player and went on my balcony to water my plants, there was a butterfly on the edge of one pot...
A beautiful one, dark but with an array of colors.

It flapped its wings a bit as I approached, and then flew away, and went really high up...

So I remembered this tiny poem I had scribbled a while back. I pulled out the notebook that was safeguarding it and sat there smiling as I read words that described quite a few things that had just happened in my head, as I watched the butterfly take flight...

Then The Irrepressibles'  Not Mine (Northern Crush Mix) began playing...
and I dunno why it felt like a nice counter companion to the poem... I wasn't paying attention to the lyrics, but the repetitive beat/sequence/vocals in the music got me to rework the poem... I finished it as the song ended... took more or less 6 minutes...

voilà

oh and the very talented Hisham Assaad was inspired to create this beauty, using my gibberish...
i love it...
(poem below the art)

Butterflies:

Let’s draw butterflies again

And hang them on the wall

Let’s draw butterflies again

Cut them out and let them loose

Maybe they can go someplace real,

Higher

Let’s draw butterflies again

With beautiful beautiful colors

Let’s draw butterflies again

All over our faces

Wave our hands to guide our dances

Farther

Let’s dance again

Above the dangerous rocks

Let’s dance again

And have the wind in our eyes

Take us higher and higher

Where we can never get tired

in search of harmony...

i wrote some haikus,

and i still don't understand...
                            what is happening?...



be spontaneous
let go, don't try to control...
try, try, try harder


this has to stop now
it's not easy, it's not hard
mind over impulse


it is quite scary
and the memories are worse
scars that are still fresh




may i have more rain
cold and blizzards and no light...
may i go inside


do i have time for
warm fuzzy winter delights?
damn i'm late again




i'll try to evolve
              pretend i have not one care
bad calculations...

playing hangman with nausea...

Angry days spent in bed with a broken knee, angry thoughts that i have to take out and store away... this is one way...

Nausea:

There there, better out than in

When nausea prevails

When disturbance settles in

Take a breath I say

And work that momentum within

Just beware

No one needs formulaic prayers

Or a death on a balcony

Hide your dramatics in layers

As thin as your words should be

If you must be a purveyor

Of a harsh authenticity

Remember that

It’s the moon, not the winds,

That commands the tides slowly…

and this is how the original post was (but i had to put the text alone...)

Embracing ...

Sometimes words just need to come out in a non logical manner for things to start making sense, or just exacerbate the difficulties till the point of ridiculousness, so that detachment isn’t too far ahead… detachment is a good way of dealing with issues, as much as we want to avoid it, sometimes…

It can’t always be as real as it feels, or as bad as it feels, but it is always concrete…

I have a strange way of dealing with issues, and at my age, it is not a good thing to be hanging by threads… even if I have understood the pattern…

Here is one…

Conundrum :

So there is was,

Lost in a hazardous pattern

Apparently going nowhere.

Sanity was beckoning

‘Make it happen, leave it there…’

Between two screeching synth lines

Vapors and scents intoxicating other senses

Between various thumbing beats

I chose one rhythm, and wondered

How long till I grow a hard shell

How long till my inner wind faces

The unequivocal truth I keep avoiding.

So here I am

And here is my challenge,

I disappoint me!

I am the ‘no’ and the ‘why not’…

I am the comical ‘could have’.

Here is my conundrum

Plain simple yet achingly familiar,

In its shattering irrelevance.

It might be pointless

But it will never be meaningless…

I want to beat that and breathe another…

Alter egos and shit...

This is weird...
I am asked to play someone who is me but is not me... Inspired by me... Another version of me...
It's weird...
So i imagined if this was an evil version of me and that version was seeking revenge...
Needless to say that version will not make it to the play... Am burying him... Or burning him...



Go to the fire

Go to the fire, he said
As sounds of laughter
Were drowning the rest of the hall

Go to the fire and wait
Put your red nose
It will soon turn black

Go, play, like you mean it
Make sure everybody forgets who you were
Even your mother,
She won't want her old kid back, no...

Go to the fire, he said
Stand in the middle of it
And wait, wait for it to exhume
All the scents you will reek
All the dreads rotting your insides
A final sublimation you desperately need...

I'm in the fire, i said
I'm in the fire...
Now burn!

all this talk about new year's resolutions...

a few days ago i attended a Youmna Saba performance at Radio Beirut in Gemayzeh.

like what usually happens to me when the music is great, i got transported within and for a few minutes there was just Youmna's warm voice (though i wasn't paying attention to the lyrics anymore), Fadi's excellent guitar playing/effects and the percussionist's rythms guiding me...

a few days later i was able to continue what i wrote there and then...

raw and not much edited as usual...

Then Again:

Prowling old scenes with stuttering memories and lights

Heart pounding, racing at the mercy of an intuition

Pressure, provocative in a stream of disapproval…
Have I seen how it has seeped out?

Then again,

Here is what I have pictured when

Plain pleasures pressed for recognition…

oh How pale the inspiration,

oh How pale the

approbation...?

then again,

I have been here…
I have been near;
I have felt the need to let it all seed…

Pain has caused a commotion
Withering a healthy hereafter
Away… Away,
With sighs fluttering in the void
Like unheard whispers,
Like lukewarm resolutions

May they last until the wind changes direction…

Oh how pale the attention,

Scattered here and here… and here…

There are new pursuits to be submitted

There are different pleasures to unearth…

And pressure should let go…

For I have prepared new beginnings…

I will have new paths…

I will.

Taking it further... In that direction...

 I have been revisiting a lot of the things i started writing but eventually abandoned...
Some still resonate, some still seem like a total mystery, some are begging to be re-written...
It's the case of this one... I started it (as indicated by the notes app on my iPad) 76 days ago, but i was reading it today as i was feeling bored during a training session, and i felt i could redo it by extrapolating a recent discussion i had... This is the result...




 Transformation

Because i had to grab a moment
Because you said you were still waiting
For a release to render you potent
Our momentum eventually faded
All that heavy potential
Yielded to a subtle feeling...

But

Sophisticated tendencies
Have emerged to the foreground
If we let them assume our realities,
Does it matter where they take us?
Between the 'within you' and the 'beneath me'
Let's lift things to where they are supposed to be...