rock bottom?

In these moments:

In these moments I wonder

Where it could have all been

What would have happened if…

That’s a deep well, I know,

But the void is calling me…

In these moments I whisper

Lord, where have you been

Lord, is there an outcome

Could you hurry and let it be

The void is absurd, but the void is better

Than the bottom where I have been lingering

Insipid and flattened

Too many burdens crushing my will

No more senses to sustain any transformation

This is where I don’t want to be

I am no phoenix, turn off the fire

I can’t discern the singing from the screams

Every hand that is extended

Disappears as instantly as it appeared

I can’t appreciate that humor

And I won’t even if I get out of here…

There’s a darker place in the making

And I am terrified of what will happen

In these moments of fear

free

written in the space of one Kate Bush song...

sometimes these things just want to get out, i wasn't even controlling the flow much... there was no struggle... there were words wanting to form images and be free...

Listen…

In the wake of the desires

Splashed across your forehead

You tripped and almost fell

Felt like a wakeup call maybe

A glimpse of the desperation lurking

So your body reacted

So your body screamed

And your conscience retracted

It should have been the opposite

What a bore, what we want

What a pity what we need

Strange wishes kept hidden

'Don’t want to listen, don’t want to listen... '

And your body reacted

And your conscience shrieked

And somewhere a voice sang

Be ready to listen, listen…

pieces

I think i am repeating myself... Or is my life on repeat?

Broken pieces aplenty
Spread everywhere, in a distance
A separation i forged
Passionately
Until the sky went blue...
The irony however
Blue versus blues syndrome notwithstanding
Was painted all over me...
Here's a seal, here's a hammer
I'll tear it down, again,
And flee

did i say i wanted 'more'?
I thought i said 'better'...

Did u mean to bring me home?
The light you left on
Just wasn't bright enough...

My feet are bleeding
I must be getting too close
Again...

one last kiss...?

sometimes a bootie call can be more than that...

Here I Am Naked:

My thunder is lashing
Cruel, cruel initiative
Lacking the willpower
I'm following your lips
Into the desires
That have troubled me
Evaded my grasp
Intentionally stupid
I'm caught in your trap
Fake incentive providing
A tiny bliss
I'm embracing the contradiction
Of your needs and means
And how they meet mine,
So...
So,
Here i am naked
reopening the lid
On what I have kept simmering
Since our last kiss...
Here I am naked
Unceremoniously revealing
A lurking desire for your pale skin
A roaring passion for the smell of your hair,
The feel, the softness,
And that gradual moan...
Here I am naked
But not for too long
Just enough for me
To find a new perspective...

My thunder is lashing
Cruel, cruel singalong
I'm lacking the willpower
but i'll be moving on...

this summer part 3

and the third and last one...

In smithereens:

In smithereens,

The sense hereafter!

Inside the wreck

Time has been capsulated.

And if beauty was to flow

If it was to hold, in

Denial,

The voices whispered

And then pretended to

Die

For a while…

In a raucous spell

Dragging fury and filth

The shapes cascaded

Upsetting the songs

As they split and deteriorated

In vain, in pain

The voices cried

And then died

For a while.

Do you hear them now?

Do you hear them?...

this summer part 2

the second one...

What love is this?

What love is this,

That has creeped up on me?

Reluctantly I sink in my teeth

As the dark sets in, I wonder

How deep is the valley?

I can only see

The side mountains,

Scraps of settlements

Harboring

Ignitions of fear,

Temples looming

Over my doom

Before

Flags waving

Sounds hissing

Dust gathering

Weighing on me…

What hope is this?

Is it finally clear?...

this summer part 1

this is the first of a series that i wrote during the summer, didn't like, forgot about, then read again and revised...

When the blank paper spoke to me pt.1:

-Have you crossed the line again?

-Of course I have…

-Have you learned no lesson?

-I have honed a method

I am a predator

Fear me

Get away from me

Do not be nice to me

You cannot tame me

For I will tame you…

My way…

-Your way…

-I’m the fox and the hound

I’m the fish and the line

I’m a bird, I am free

-You are chained to your needs

-Love me if you dare

Spare me,

Will I disappear?

-Between the cracks

Under the fragments

Resides the ghost of the whole

And somewhere in there, the pieces…

-The pieces of my soul…