blue hue

I wanted to write a poem with the word 'indestructible' in it

that's it

then came a birth, maybe a rebirth

maybe a sunrise/sunset doodle

that's it...

Blue Lights

On your journey but

The ground you seek is moulding

Into shapes you can’t discern

Take off your shoes then

Better to flow bare then

Your calamity,

That indestructible fear

Echoing in barren fields,

Has been justified

It has been realised

There, blue lights ahead,

What inclination, what care,

Disturbed around you aura

Dispersed in advance

Time to seize their essence

Swing your arms around,

And fiercely chant all you want

Surely you can dream up scapes

Till the water breaks

Just follow the lights son

Rouge... again, again? let's make it dark... Mylène style...

I will not try to sugarcoat this... the past couple of months have been pretty dark, on more than one level...

I had to confront many misbehaving demons, most of them thrown at me, who kept lingering about...

so, one dark such night, I wrote this;

it's not a poem it's a song, in french, désolé...

reading it again tonight I realized how much it is influenced by Mylène Farmer's songs... so I remembered a small painting I made a couple of weeks into the confinement we went through in the spring (I don't think it will be long before they impose another one here...)

... as soon as i finished it I felt it the tree reminded me of dear Mylène, whose music I love but I never felt it influenced me much... I guess i was wrong...

red again yes,

and

dark, dark times...

Je Sais Que la Nuit :

 

Je sais que la nuit

Me ment

Même quand elle me lance

Des anecdotes insondables

 

Je sais que la nuit

Me ment

Et qu’elle en a assez

De mes soupirs

Et mes désirs

Si incontrôlables

 

Et que s’évanouissent

Les consolations générales

Je n’en veux pas

Et que s’épanouissent

Les passions abyssales

Je n’en ris pas

 

Je sais que tes yeux

Me mentent

Même quand ils me percent

De flèches enflammées

 

Je sais que tes lèvres

Me blessent

Même quand elles me sourient

Et me laissent nu

 

Je sais que ta voix

Me perturbe

Même quand elle me raconte

Ce que je veux entendre

 

Et je sais, je sais

 

Je sais que la nuit

S’en moque

Et qu’en une seconde

Tous mes soupirs

Et mes désirs

Subiront son désordre

 

Et que s’évanouissent

Les consolations générales

Je les déteste

Et que s’épanouissent

Les passions abyssales

Maudites pestes

Et que se tordent

Les envies banales

Je les abhorre

Et loin de cette horde

Au final, au final,

Laisse-moi tomber

 

Josephine

 

I don’t know why I am fascinated by the name Josephine.

It was my maternal grandma’s name.

I remember I featured a drag queen in the first play I directed where ‘Joe’ becomes ‘Josephine’ and does a lip sync number, way back in 2000. My grandma was there watching, and although I suspect she already had (undiagnosed yet) Alzheimer’s, she was actually all smiles and loved the idea (my grandma was quite open-minded I have to say).

I remember being fascinated by Josephine Baker.

I remember liking the story of Josephine Bonaparte, not because she was am empress but because she was very much into the arts.

But I feel that with such a grand name must come grand tragedies.

A lot of pain maybe.

So when I wrote the following song, and while having a lot of female figures in my mind to write about; women who always have to put others before themselves; women who have to be the strong ones holding their entourage, their families, because the men just cannot hold it, cannot take it; women who carry their whole ancestry’s burden; women who have to endure so many inequalities while actually being the stronger sex... the first name that popped in my head was Josephine. 

Maybe I was also inspired by Tori Amos’ ‘Josephine’ (‘not tonight Josephine’, always being held back…).

Here’s to these women,

Here’s to all the ‘Josephines’ out there,

May you all dance freely.

Oh Josephine:

Oh Josephine,

Dancing in the free area of your mind

Holding down the fire, 

holding down the fort

Have you taken a breath lately?

Have you given yourself permission?

That light you kept inside is dying

It tried to come out

It tried to come out

Oh Josephine,

Smiling but who are you fooling,

Only yourself,

Only if you laugh

Have you forgiven them already?

Oh, but you’re only a woman

The light you kept inside is dying

Silently screaming

Why aren’t you screaming?

Oh Josephine,

Tell me you will come out and dance

Ignite your veins

Light up your scars

Bask in the glow, and be free

you’re a goddess, royalty, a woman

nothing to revisit, nothing to repair

but your own worth and a bit of love to spare

no one to save anymore

but yourself 

the light you kept inside is dying

drop your misplaced defenses

let them rip your dresses

the light you kept inside is waving

let it out, let it out

let it out Josephine

Red, Again...

Every ending is a new beginning bla bla bla...
So, after two and a half years,
back to square one...?

Red, Again…

Red, red, red everywhere

Some shadows within have lost their obscurity

I keep seeing, when I close my eyes,

Strawberry pink, brown and red

I draw lines with echoes that ring deep

I paint pictures with the smells I miss

Acidic smells I barely got used to

And then, they were no more

How the hell did it feel right

To shut my senses

And chase that gloom

What kind of obsession

What kind of determination

What kind of obstinacy

Kept me dipping my hands in that fire

Ah, I was riding high on potential

heavily boosting that reality

But despite of all good intentions

The path remained, obtusely murky

I’ve got to find what I lost in there

I’ve got to find something similar

And shape it again

So... I will hold the clay

I will take the grey

I will carve my way, to new directions…

Pluck!

It's been a while... A while since I have been able to write anything that is not too messy...
It's been a year...

Here's what it's like in my head since...
Most of the time...

Excuse the messiness... I just had to get it out a bit...

(With a special thought for those who, like me, suffer from trichotillomania ...)


Pluck! :


Pluck!

It strikes suddenly

A pounding emptiness

Infusing my chest

With melancholy

One by one, all around me

Nostalgic memories

Conceal the tainted remains

Of an unfulfilled quest

In this unpleasant engagement

I try not to surrender

But I lose my breath, then…

Pluck!

I’m battered by drifting thoughts

Longing for satiations

That will remain elusive

Along these same paths

Nonetheless, I tackle regrets

Gratified by carnal impulses

That remain counter intuitive, and…

Pluck!

I am whisked off by the wind

Swirling around them

With no place to rest…

Pluck…

Pluck!

Is there anything to hang on?

a fence, a branch, a leaf…

Pluck!

A conviction, maybe…

Pluck!

Not yet…

Pluck…

Untitled

It has been a long time, a very long time, since i wrote anything...

This is far from being good... It is too direct, too weak... But weak is the key word here...

And i had to start again...

I'm sure i'll come back to this one and edit and correct and change it later, but for now it wants to be free...

I don't owe you love

I don't owe you tenderness

I don't owe you different statements

To help you navigate

Your murky waters

This blood, this blood

Dry and crackled it may be

This blood has stained you

But you can still be free

Sometimes i wonder

Why have your smells lost their splendour

Sometimes i shudder

At the memories thoughts of you bring

I end up smirking

At their blatant futility

Then at the hint of a severance

I taste blood and I don't like it...

Yes your melodies have faded

Now all I hear are cacophonies

But the pounding in my chest 

Has become clearer...

Yes I am dancing to a new beat

So,

Away from blame, shame and resentment

I owe you a different dance

And soft fragrances

I owe them to you

And you owe them to me... 

Je danse

Moving, dancing, swaying... I have no doubt how important physical movement is to my mental well being... So i'll dance regardless...

This one is in french, it seems i am going through a french period

I'll try to break out of it next time i come here...

Je Danse:

Je danse dans des nébuleuses

Qui prétendent être belles

Mais qui sont aussi hideuses

Que mes envies primaires

Je danse sur des nappes douces

Mais dès que soupire un doute

Mes tourbillons m'harcèlent 

Et m'exaspèrent

Je danse et ma colère

Jadis dissipée

Est trahie par les haillons

Que deviennent mes peaux

inlassables, inlassables...

Elles exposent mes veines...

Je danse et je trouve surtout

Que les courants sont moqueurs

Et que mes idées abyssales

Sont des épiphanies vaines

Je danse pour faire résonner

Une vie qui se perd

Dans des lits sinueux

Qui brûlent souvent sans lumières

Et puis je tourne, je tourne,

Je tourne en rond

Et mon centre se fixe

Et mes mains deviennent raides

Mais je danse, je danse 

Je danse quand même...