encounters

i was going through my old poems/songs/whatever and i stumbled upon this one,
i remember writing in a restaurant in Yerevan (Armenia's capital), the paplavok café i think it was called, in august 2003, but as hard as i try, i cannot remember what the person i'm talking about looks like... it's very weird that i don't, since i remember everything else, the colours, the smells, the water fountain in the middle of the pool... even the jazzy music that was playing (which inspired me write another thingy as well)...
and i remember that it was a warm day, just a day or two before the heatwave struck...

i was planning on going back to yerevan this summer but that didn't work out...
i should try to go back still, and i'd visit that restaurant, if it's still there, for sure...

in the meantime, here's what i wrote, it's not my best work obviously, but it has a lot of feelings/memories, albeit rather short ones, attached to it...

if i could just remember that face again...

Face, smile, hand, back…:

Gliding across the water

In your pink inflatable boat

I’ll be picking other colors

To keep you spinning in my thoughts

Round and round here’s what I caught

Face, smile, hand, back…

You should see me trying

Not to jump straight ahead

Unbuttoning what’s hiding

The wonders inhabiting your chest

My hands I will not rest

Face, smile, hand, back…

And in all of its glory

This city will not prevent

My sanity from exploring

Every single path it has laid

I will cross barrages with images in my head

Face, smile, hand, back…

But a new image has stopped me dead

An innocent voice claiming my loss

Our incident is over

Another has just begun

In a second I will be gone

Face, smile, hand, back…

structure structure...

Sacrifice:

Resting on the oscillation of my quavering thoughts,

With one hand on the ramp, the other in the void,

I am pumping my blood through holed vessels;

Leaking closely, reeking freely,

Yet far from being done

Crossing over,

Almost…

Almost…

Splitting my head

Along swift borderlines;

Aiming feebly to float freely,

I’m flexing muscled up ideals.

Scanning the altars for other sacrifices,

I’ll let it be, I’ll let it bleed, I’ll let you drink for free…

the hell that is called admitting it...

My Mess:

She’ll be chirpy, she’ll be giddy

She’ll be taking it all lightly

And I’ll be blaming my expectations

Blaming her

For any lack of appreciation

I’ll be clingy, I’ll be needy

I’ll be going almost crazy

And she’ll be playing with attention

Every word

Stimulating her imagination

And I have to stay alert

Underperforming yet robust

And I must keep getting hurt

One wrong word and I go bust

She said go before you break

There are few things you can take

She said she will then denounce

Every doing out of bounce

Better hope I keep the progress

Slight like my pain,

Slight and wordless

Minor musings have taken a tumble

In a conundrum I cannot assemble

Better keep the impulses at bay

Bag some moments,

One for each day

If it all goes dark in her haze

I’ll pretend I was in a daze

Yet, she’ll be banging on my heart

Turning the sensation into an art

The art of losing, one step away

For the sake of keeping things at bay…

And I’ll be banging on my chest

Waiting for a sign,

A healthy breath

And I’ll be abandoning all rest

Until I can deal with her mess…

Until I can deal with my mess

My mess, my mess, my mess, my mess…

hate to say it...

Chill out:

Chill out chill out

It’s not as if you were being murdered

Chill out chill out

So you’re not the world’s favorite Virginal slut

But if you’re in desperate need of a haircut

Here are some tweezers I used on a female mutt

Chill out chill out

Your life has the concept of a sharp pervert

Chill out chill out

So they’re all freaks, which makes you their queen

Behind the sliding doors and what’s in between

You’ve made a point of keeping it lean

Chill out chill out

Put on your heels and stick it out…

Ain’t that what it’s all about?

when there's nothing new, old ghosts creep up...

Silent splendor

Silent splendor

Dripping with time

Soft and tender

You’ll be mine

Crack an opening

I’ll be vigorous

And if my hands have to settle

I won’t let them sweat

Cold, cold is the venture

Embodied by voracious voices

Hollering in the wind

Sealing my fate

I’m a resident, yes

Humming along with you

I’m the sufferer, yes

Curling myself around you

Resonance is my weapon

…

Endurance is a state of mind

As the light flashes

Along red spells in the horizon

As the wind crashes

So should hope find its foundation

Silent splendor

Dripping, no, draining your might

Beneath your sheath

I shall keep nothing rugged

dare

Dare:

It’s unavoidable, it’s a trap

Your colors are flashing

And I can’t help watching

Fall here,

Come here

Get over here

Here, here

Dare…

The lingering of my stare

On the stillness of your motions

Have eluded your objections

Come close

Come closer

And faster

Closer

Dare…

It’s down to a simple act

Blocked by a simpler fear

Hurtling away as I come near

Kiss me,

Kiss me now

Kis me quick

Kiss me,

Dare…

shoulda woulda coulda... excuse the cliché...

i dunno if this poem works, the choice of words is... well... dunno, too much?

am not trying to be smug or anything, but i dunno, maybe i was that pissed off at myself while writing it...

anyway

here goes...

Entropy

Should I trust the movement,

Or the thought of it?

Down in the pits of my apparatus

No amount of good will

Seems to get me through the fear

Should I trust the circumstance,

Or the lack of it?

Back in the days of clumsy ardor

No cares were sufficient to steal

The rush of a good thrill…

Should I trust the movement,

Or the beginning of it?

Dodging apathy

Embracing entropy

Relying on a thread

To pull out the chill

it's an everyday struggle... whatever

There are songs that feelings fail

When they remain fastened in the entrails

I tread easily within such waves

Tripping and skipping

And failing to see

That the emptiness loitering

In the vastness of my despair

Is an overtly accessible

Doorway to my escape…

May I hail the visionary wimp!

inspired by a late night conversation...

on your couch:

Go on go on

Shout and show me your mind

Give me a piece of that dreadful unthinkable state

And take off your load and throw it, hon

Go on go on

You're torturing yourself

I'll tell you, you are going way ahead of your crime

And it's bleeding… well then, save it, hon

Go on go on

We have towels, we're fine

We're clearing our minds of an unbearable vital truth

And we're leaking… to the point, hon

If I hold my tongue

Down someone else's throat

And pretend I can get high on their fate

How far will I go before I crash on your couch?

With my head between your legs,

And your mouth on my crotch…

If I raise my hand

And grab a satellite

Going for a kill over velvet skies

How far will I go before I crash on your couch?

With my tail between my legs,

And your hands on my thighs…

Go on go on

Welcome one more trial

We'll come all over these days of blissful wrangling

And we will rip through all the signs, hon

Go on go on

Bring me down, eyes bulging

And explain to me the lines forming deep on each side

And I'll believe in you and me, hon

I'll believe you and me, we're free, hon… we're free…

what was it you said again?

I dunno why I was expecting things to stay ok... !
so here goes nothing...

Teach me
The names of the storms ahead
And I'll be ready
Come my next December

Give me new features
Make me amphibious
And I will require no more shelter
Come my next December

go ahead and laugh

i wrote that after a small observation in one of my classes...
kids can be cruel to one another, really cruel...

All has fallen

All has fallen

Victim of a tear

A deception really

Like a shriek to a sneer

A pencil down

And his eyes rolling

A surprise but, really

Like a pinch in a dream

Laughter croaking

Hands bending his waist

Bewildering, truly

Yet his guts are sincere

All has fallen

There's no glory here

There is fear but, mainly

A silly trick waning

can i take my mind off an idea?

can i take my mind off...?

(Anti-) Encephalin..:

Ten times a minute

But who's counting?

Scattered rhythms

Along a narrow path

Between a muscle

And an eager impulse

There's no need to slow down

Once the flow has been canalized

Up and down the fat burners

Once the hesitation has been pinned

To the back of a dwindling consciousness

There's no need to turn it down

Let it rise up to the thrill

Let it soar along the trip

Spilling over the sides

Of an image,

Let it rip…

It won't go away

And if it does,

Soon enough, it will be replaced

and so here we go again...

am writing again, and it feels good...

Credence...:

A welcomed guest

It was,

Irony.

We had a pact

It would visit

Every now

Every then

It would not hit

I can't see why the deal

One day burst

With splinters

Lacerating my heals

There goes my wavering

Credence

There it goes

Dripping, dripping, dripping…