Taking it further... In that direction...

 I have been revisiting a lot of the things i started writing but eventually abandoned...
Some still resonate, some still seem like a total mystery, some are begging to be re-written...
It's the case of this one... I started it (as indicated by the notes app on my iPad) 76 days ago, but i was reading it today as i was feeling bored during a training session, and i felt i could redo it by extrapolating a recent discussion i had... This is the result...




 Transformation

Because i had to grab a moment
Because you said you were still waiting
For a release to render you potent
Our momentum eventually faded
All that heavy potential
Yielded to a subtle feeling...

But

Sophisticated tendencies
Have emerged to the foreground
If we let them assume our realities,
Does it matter where they take us?
Between the 'within you' and the 'beneath me'
Let's lift things to where they are supposed to be...

nocturnal

Written after walking around in a 'scary' area that usually is not scary at all during the day
Things got freaky around 3 or 4 am...
I revised it recently... it did help to be far removed from that moment's emotions...



I Will Walk With You:


I will walk with you
Sweet merry freaks getting off on treats    
I will walk with you
Sideline abiding nighttime dwellers
I'm an observer
Hiding among buyers and sellers                  
I'll walk with you
But
I won't engage with you  
I won't touch you
I won't smile, I won't speak
I'll just look at you
With compassion            
Yes
I'll walk with you
Yes
But
there will be no understanding
Nor will there be relief

and then i saw the dance

so i was struggling with this thing, and then i saw this video, so i thought what the hell, words will not be able to express as well as the video did... but no matter... here it is...


A Dance:

it wasn't a ritual dance

as spiritual as it might have felt

our hearts spilled out, spelled out the temper

our hearts took a pounding 

and yet again we remained calm

maybe we should've taken the lead, at a turn

hurled abuses, belted out our pain

i had you gathering echoes, running in the rain

and you were trembling, eschewing the aversion

bring it back, throw it my way,

there's no bridge anymore, only water…

yet we kept dancing

heaving sigh after sigh with arms raised

our hearts pounding, panting like old hounds

our hearts were out of sync,

we were finally getting loud

so we dropped our arms and raised our gaze

fists clutched shoulders tensed, holding it all in

you had me gathering remorses, and causes from within

and i was losing my grip on your empathy

bring it back, throw it my way

there's gotta be a lifeline, we can both grasp…

it wasn't a ritual dance;

maybe we shouldn't have stopped dancing…

thrill

sometimes it doesn't make sense, so you just gotta have fun with it... here's one way...
(i do realize this is a silly badly written thing, but it's the idea behind it that i like...)

Yes... I'm a Thrill:

Yes… I’m a thrill

You’ll think I’m still, holding it, in…

But I’ll peek-a-boo you when you least expect it

I’ll follow you with my eyes,

I’ll keep you guessing,

Oh wait… surprise!

Why aren’t you laughing?

Now, don’t get lazy

Don’t ask for mercy

There, we’re shifting…

Oh I’ll play along…

Until I hear my song,

And start moving

At my own pace,

To another place…

Yes… Yes… I’m a thrill

rock bottom?

In these moments:

In these moments I wonder

Where it could have all been

What would have happened if…

That’s a deep well, I know,

But the void is calling me…

In these moments I whisper

Lord, where have you been

Lord, is there an outcome

Could you hurry and let it be

The void is absurd, but the void is better

Than the bottom where I have been lingering

Insipid and flattened

Too many burdens crushing my will

No more senses to sustain any transformation

This is where I don’t want to be

I am no phoenix, turn off the fire

I can’t discern the singing from the screams

Every hand that is extended

Disappears as instantly as it appeared

I can’t appreciate that humor

And I won’t even if I get out of here…

There’s a darker place in the making

And I am terrified of what will happen

In these moments of fear

free

written in the space of one Kate Bush song...

sometimes these things just want to get out, i wasn't even controlling the flow much... there was no struggle... there were words wanting to form images and be free...

Listen…

In the wake of the desires

Splashed across your forehead

You tripped and almost fell

Felt like a wakeup call maybe

A glimpse of the desperation lurking

So your body reacted

So your body screamed

And your conscience retracted

It should have been the opposite

What a bore, what we want

What a pity what we need

Strange wishes kept hidden

'Don’t want to listen, don’t want to listen... '

And your body reacted

And your conscience shrieked

And somewhere a voice sang

Be ready to listen, listen…

pieces

I think i am repeating myself... Or is my life on repeat?

Broken pieces aplenty
Spread everywhere, in a distance
A separation i forged
Passionately
Until the sky went blue...
The irony however
Blue versus blues syndrome notwithstanding
Was painted all over me...
Here's a seal, here's a hammer
I'll tear it down, again,
And flee

did i say i wanted 'more'?
I thought i said 'better'...

Did u mean to bring me home?
The light you left on
Just wasn't bright enough...

My feet are bleeding
I must be getting too close
Again...

one last kiss...?

sometimes a bootie call can be more than that...

Here I Am Naked:

My thunder is lashing
Cruel, cruel initiative
Lacking the willpower
I'm following your lips
Into the desires
That have troubled me
Evaded my grasp
Intentionally stupid
I'm caught in your trap
Fake incentive providing
A tiny bliss
I'm embracing the contradiction
Of your needs and means
And how they meet mine,
So...
So,
Here i am naked
reopening the lid
On what I have kept simmering
Since our last kiss...
Here I am naked
Unceremoniously revealing
A lurking desire for your pale skin
A roaring passion for the smell of your hair,
The feel, the softness,
And that gradual moan...
Here I am naked
But not for too long
Just enough for me
To find a new perspective...

My thunder is lashing
Cruel, cruel singalong
I'm lacking the willpower
but i'll be moving on...